Can i not drive my cunt home
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
