he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
