THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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