I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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