i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
