About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
