well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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