Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
