I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
