You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
