I showed him my bush... on skype.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
