He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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