Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
