His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
