Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
