ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
