I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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