i barfeds in our rink
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
