It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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