yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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