I cannot find my penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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