White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
