I think I died a long time ago.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
