a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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