There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
