physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Small penises have feelings too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
