Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
