i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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