Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
