I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
