Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
