Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
