yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
