last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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