Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
