That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
