My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
