I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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