Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
