does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
