i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
