BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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