you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize