Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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