My room smells like vodka and shame
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And then he peed in my hair
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