whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
