I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
