I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
