i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
two words: eviction party
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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