yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
