What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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