Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
