all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
