'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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