I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
