Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
