goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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