You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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