Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize