your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
