Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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