Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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