Are we in a gay sports bar?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He did a backflip because drugs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
