Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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