My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
