just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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