New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
