Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
