she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
