It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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