This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
