There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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