if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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