i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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