I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
