the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
