Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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