Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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