she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
