As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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