Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
