My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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