Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
