i love accidental penises.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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