so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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