There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize