Please, let me fuck your mom
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
