Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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