You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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