Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm both gender and math confused
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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