Is it normal to miss your booty call?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
