Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my phone needs a breathalizer
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
