guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
