Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
