apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
