Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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