Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
