i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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