sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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