Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
