I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
