i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
