I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
