I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
