honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
