oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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