When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
