the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
