Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
