I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
third nipple confirmed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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