im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
